Asking For It
Here is my finger,
you know the middle one.
The nail is
freshly painted,
a lovely lilac hue.
Just for you.
Here it is,
at the end of my outstretched arm.
I present it to you
from across the tree-lined street.
You asked for it, you
begged for it, I knew
you wanted it.
I wrapped it special,
just for you,
in that dance my friend made up
for some guy she knew:
Wiggled it
waggled it
waved it around.
Just the way
I know you like it.
I wasn't sure what to get
for someone like you,
someone I barely knew.
But oh,
you let me know
what I should do:
"HEY BABY!" you hollered
from the other side of the road.
Just like that,
I didn't have to guess.
Then, just in case
I couldn't take
the hint:
You whistled.
Loud, clear,
all I had to hear.
So here, here’s
a finger
my finger
the finger
just the thing for you.
The sugary-sweet sarcasm in this poem was great! Till the last stanzas of the poem, I was convinced that your finger was actually a genuine present somehow. The rhythm of the poem was perfect, in my opinion. I thought using alliteration in the fourth stanza- "I wiggled it, waggled it, waved it around"- really made the language flow like a song. I also thought the end rhymes- "you" and "knew" and "clear" and "hear"- sounded very natural, not forced at all. I particularly enjoyed how the speaker was speaking directly to the cat-caller the whole poem; it gave it a very saucy tone. One thing I would consider adding is more descriptive words throughout, maybe about the surroundings of the event or what the cat-caller looked like. Or maybe your intentions were to keep it simple? Incredible job! - Abigail Adler
ReplyDeleteThis is a great poem that I had to read twice to figure out what it was saying. I liked the sarcasm and how you weren't expecting it to be what it's about. (My understanding is that the author gave the middle finger to the cat caller who was "asking for it" subverting what cat callers usually say about women.) the author writes with confidence.
ReplyDeleteI think the poem could use some more concrete details to make clear what is happening. The language itself is informative but perhaps we can see some faces or bodies.
This poem made me laugh! I could hear the voice talking so clearly throughout - perfectly sarcastic, snide, clever and funny. I like how it was personally addressed to a cat caller - "you" - that gave it a very intense feeling. I also like the title a lot, it gives the poem a more powerful message. The rhymes and short lines give it a playful sound which keeps it light and helps the cute sarcasm. I like this poem more each time I read it!
ReplyDeleteah this is perfect!! I love the anecdote at the end when you realize what really happened. I liked that it was easy to read and had playful language. One of my favorite poems so far! I think the short lines definitely worked in your favor
ReplyDeleteHey there! This poem is so accurate. You don't see what is really going on until the ending, it's great! The line spacing is great also, it had me reading faster and I think that that is appropriate for this poem. I like that it's sassy! In my opinion, the poem could use a little more "show" and less "tell" but it is an overall enjoyable read. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI loved the fact that it took me a couple readings to fully understand what you were describing in the poem. However, once I did, i really enjoyed it all- the way you set it up to make it seem as if initially you really did want to give him a real gift-"I wasn't sure what to get for someone like you." The way you did not stick to a pattern in the stanzas helped emphasize certain parts of your story, like when you said "But oh, you let me know." Subtle but with a great message and ending! Great job!
ReplyDeleteLike some of the others above, I really like the TONE of this poem. The voice here reminds me a little bit of Sylvia Plath, cutting and direct. The rhymes here sound a little like the rhymes in "Daddy."
ReplyDelete"It was loud and clear" is a bit of a cliche. I think you can do better.
GREAT voice here though. I'd love to see more poems written in this voice.
I love that you feel comfortable writing from a position of anger. Most younger poets avoid this emotion or feel they have to focus on positive things or things which portray vulnerability. But this is a strong voice, responding incisively.
The finger thing confused me a little. I didn't get the middle finger reference that Rivka got until I read her comment. Instead, for me, the finger in the box called to mind an inervision of the image of a ring. Instead of the ring being in a gift box to be put on the finger, the finger is in the box, providing a gruesome inversion of the idea of "putting a ring on it," as that song puts it.
Perhaps you want to clarify your meaning a bit, and the poem could definitely be longer too, focusing, for example, on the harassment scene.
I really enjoyed this poem! I think that the poem really has such a good feeling. I love the shift from the expectance of an actual gift and the reader questioning what type of gift a finger could represent to a shift towards anger about the way the man is acting toward the women.
ReplyDeleteI loved how the reader was speaking to the individual who was doing the action "I wrapped it special,
just for you" but at the same time its so easy for the reader to grasp.
Such a great job! I really enjoyed reading it!
The sarcastic tone of this poem really gave it a fresh look on what was happening. My favorite part was, "I wiggled it
ReplyDeletewaggled it
waved it around.
Just the way
I know you like it." I can clearly see the narrator walking past these men (construction workers?) and confidently waving her finger in their face. I also like how "the finger" was presented almost like a gift for them. Made me feel the confidence in the narrators walk.
If I had to criticize one thing, it would have to be the line "in that dance my friend made up
for some guy she knew." I feel like it's slightly out of place and random. Otherwise, great poem!