It is winter
a moon in the afternoon
a dime of gray
candy floss across the sky.
It brings to mind
the day's impending demise.
And though the day isn't done
at the stroke of five
the moonlit say otherwise.
All feels at an end
the sun won't rise
resume its shine
in the A.M.
When I was small I hated
being put to bed before
the sun's curtain fall
when light trickled in
mocked my lights out
blanket to chin.
I loved the winter's soon-rising moon,
how it aligned
with bedtime. It diminished
fear that I was missing
a downstairs din
the day was done.
Now, a moon in the afternoon
is chased by stars, the dark.
I'm not afraid of the dark
but
it comes too soon.
This poem brings up some intriguing issues, and I feel it will make a fitting poem for discussion in class. There are some very effective images here: for example, "dime of grey" and musical phrases "the downstairs din."
ReplyDeleteI will put this on the screen in class and praise it and offer some suggestions for improvement. More coming in class soon.
Hi! I really like this poem, especially the incredible imagery, like with "sun's curtain fall" and "candy floss across the dark." One thing that was slightly confusing to me was the descriptions of the sky in the first stanza- I usually think of sky blue as a light color rather than a dark color.
ReplyDeleteI like how the author uses another poem as a springboard for her own poem. I think the poem has a lyrical, whimsical, light quality to it. I specifically enjoyed the characterization of the moon as a dime, and the "candy floss" description. Assonance is used well in this poem, and emotion is conveyed.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line in this poem is "blanket to chin". The speaker is not just telling me that she is going to sleep, but really showing it to me and creating the picture of snuggling into bed. I also like how you broke up the last three lines. It makes it dramatic, yet soothing at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI love the vivid images and feelings that come to my mind right away as I read this poem. It is very easy to relate to the child's, perhaps the reader's, feelings toward the impending night and darkness. I was impressed by the bold change in lines in the last stanza and how you made it work!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the imagery that you used, especially the blanket to chin image. However I was a bit confused of what was going on in the poem - why was she not afraid of the dark? How did she get there?
ReplyDeleteI really connected to this poem, maybe because I love looking at the moon and I also dislike when it gets dark too soon. "A dime of gray" was such a perfect way to capture the image of the moon. I also feel a tension in the poem which resonated with me- between not liking the early nights of winter and the discomfort of going to bed when it is still light out. You really succeeded in capturing the thoughts of a child.
ReplyDeleteThe first stanza in this poem is gold. I love the images.
ReplyDeleteI think that the viewpoint of the "soon-rising moon" is a new perspective for winter days that I find intriguing.
I think this poem could be pushed further with more explanation of why the quick day bothers the speaker so much.
This poem through out has great rhythm and great imagery. I loved reading the entire poem. The words you used to describe the sunset and bedtime was amazing!!
ReplyDeleteIt was very interesting how you chose to cut the lines at the end, but I think it worked. The line breaks added to the emotion of the poem.