Summer before Stern:
time with no time
days without dates
days without dates
one second, hour, week,
tumbles into the next.
July twentieth slides right by
with no notice, exactly
one month before
the rest of your life begins.
You are here in
the now by the lake
your single concern is
where to curl up
in a book
in a spot of sun.
The next year:
you stroll and elbow
you stroll and elbow
through Chinatown with you mother
purchasing parasols for your wedding photos.
She pops in to a posh coffee shop
you dash out to take his last call
before the two of you cannot, will not, talk for a week,
and the next time you meet,
it'll be the rest of your life.
Another year later:
Still in class, you scrawl
your ten thousandth lined page of notes
when does this end
life begin?
life begin?
You decide to be a writer
when you grow up
he says you are a writer,
you are grown up
the second hand crawls to a stop
the clock in this room never ticks the right tock
no use waiting for the bell to
tell you when you’re done,
tell you when you’re done,
it’s never done
you’re at Professor’s mercy
class dismissed
another class begins.
I like this poem a lot, and I think it has a ton of potential. I want to discuss it in class tomorrow, so I'm going to save most of my comments for then. I want to note, however, that you are beginning to develop a consistent voice in your poems, a calm and trustworthy voice, focused on the important details of life, fixed on the present, exploring the little ironies and the big problems of love and existence. In class, I hope to offer some suggestions for how you can improve this. I envision this probably going up on our class blog, if that is OK with you.
ReplyDeleteHey! It is really interesting the way you frame college as the beginning of life. In the first stanza you say, "one week before the rest of your life" and again you say this before the speaker's wedding. Then, you reverse this idea and ask when college ends so that life can begin. I think many students can really understand that, especially for students who have a more difficult time with school work, or who are preoccupied with wedding preparations etc. Like Professor Miller said, great voice!
ReplyDeleteOne critique to really bring this poem to its fullest potential is to comb through some of these words to see if they are the ones you feel are most appropriate. Can you replace "stick together forever" with some other verb (and less cliche phrase). Also, perhaps "waiting for the bell to tell" is too forcefully rhymed- it's up to you!
I really enjoyed reading this poem!
As I said in class, this poem is straightforward and when at times playful with Langauge, striking. I loved the image of curling up in a book, in a spot of sun, and the parasols in Chinatown. I think the bell/tell rhyme can be more effective if tell is moved to the next line as you already have tick/took the line before and it sounds like it's trying too hard. I also think the beginning of the first stanza would benefit from some more images and less dry language, though I liked the idea of time tumbling. Overall great poem!
ReplyDelete